(I Already Had Hair On My Chest… with Ruben S from Lisbon)

Do you remember what it’s like to be a kid and to be in some way different from other kids? The ridicule that any difference can encourage from the ‘normal’ kids… it can be cruel and unrelenting.  I suppose in some ways I had a lot of things that made me stand out, but this story is about hair.

So… I was thirteen years old and I already had hair on my chest. The P.E. changing room was a place I feared, knowing that if I wasn’t quick enough to change my shirt that there would be a riot of teasing, pointing, and laughter. But I was so lucky that there was another kid, Joe (I don’t remember his surname but it had a Polish ‘ski’ at the end of it), who had even more hair on his chest than I did. We’re talking a Ruben S level of hairyness, but on a 13 year old!

Yet somehow Joe had this way of turning the teasing around on itself. He was able to convince the other kids that it made him somehow more experienced than the others. At a time when sex to us was some vague idea of ‘humping’, when we didn’t understand what actually we were meant to do with breasts, and when no one had actually ever seen a naked woman before, Joe was a fountain of knowledge. 

I need to stress that back when I was a kid, the internet wasn’t so fast or widespread, so kids didn’t have much access to porn, except for those who knew where Dad hid his “Lesbians from Mars” VHS tape. I recall when Joe told a group of us lads, in a quiet corner of the playground, about blow jobs, that this other kid, also called Joe, yelped in disgust – “gross!” And when he said something about ‘fingering’, loads of lads loudly declared that they would never ever do such a thing. 

One afternoon after school I was at Joe’s house – I used to go there sometimes to play video games – but this time we watched a movie starring Christian Slater. I don’t remember what it was called but he played a radio deejay, and there was this scene where he was pretending to masturbate… and that’s where I learned how to do it. So I guess Joe did a lot for me, not only taking the heat off me in the locker room for my hairy chest, but also for teaching me how to play. 

See more of Ruben S and read his story in Elska Magazine issue (04) Lisbon


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