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(“But I’ll Still Have Sex Wiv U”… with Han L from Taipei)

“Lookin fatter n grey haired now m8 but I’ll still have sex wiv u”

That’s the message I woke up to this morning. I don’t know who it came from – the Hornet profile had no pic or any details except that the person was 2538 metres away. I’m genuinely upset. Firstly this person was watching me and knew who I was. Secondly, it was a horribly indecent thing to say to someone. Thirdly, it’s another piece of fuel for this growing fire telling me that I don’t want to live in London anymore, that people here are just not very nice. 

I know there’s a lot of posts showing nasty stuff written on Grindr, some even from the authors themselves who are proud of their bitchiness. And I know these posts don’t only come from Londoners. I think they do tend to come from big cities though, where people are able to hide effectively behind anonymity. When I lived in Poland I actually met nice people on gay apps and sites. And when people said they were looking just for friends, it wasn’t a lie. I reckon it’s because the society was a bit smaller and people felt less beyond reproach, so they were forced to behave. That’s not such a bad thing, even if it does mean that people are in your business. 

In Taipei, even though guys I spoke to expressed the same problems with social media, such as in the piece written by Joe F in Issue (05) Taipei, I still found people much kinder than in London. The city is after all ¼ the size of London, so only ¼ as mean I suppose. Guys like Han L actually offered a hand of friendship. We had good chats before our shoot and stayed in touch after, so he could complain about work or try to encourage me to come out and eat desserts with him. 

Maybe it is time to get out of London. I suppose if I wasn’t so fat and grey-haired then I wouldn’t get messages like that in the first place… so it’s my fault, not London’s. But I’m not going to change myself just to avoid creepy people sending me rude texts, and I can’t change other people either. But I can change the place, and see if maybe it helps.

See more of Han L and read his story in Elska Magazine issue (05) Taipei

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