(Sioux – That’s Not What Kisses Should Taste Like …with Jon D from Cardiff)
As I’ve said time and time again, anyone is welcome to take part in Elska, even straight guys. To be honest I didn’t know anything about Jon’s sexuality before I met him, and since I didn’t find him on a gay app but rather on Instagram (I think!), it wasn’t something I could guess at. But when we met, he mentioned his “missus” every ten seconds…
… if you happen to read this “Mrs Davies”, you’re a lucky girl ‘cos this guy is mad about you!
Jon D, aside from being one of Elska’s rare straight boys, was also the youngest guy in the Cardiff issue, at just 19. Anyway, it got me thinking about my teenage years and my period of pseudo-straightness.
I remembered a girl called Sioux, who I met when I was 16 or 17 and working with her in a Chicago coffee place called Kopi. No, I don’t know if actually her name was Sue and she just chose to spell it as Sioux, but it suited her. She was an artist, rather eccentric, with piercings and tattoos – absolutely not the sort of girl I came across in my daily life in a Catholic high school. And she was amazing. We could talk about stuff no one in my day world knew, like British indie bands and foreign films. But she was also rather intimidating, though I wasn’t quite sure what it was about her that scared me.
One night after doing the late shift together she invited me for a drink at her place. I remember not really wanting to, sort of being afraid, but also being more afraid of how to tell her no. So we left the café around midnight and walked to her place in Andersonville. We cut right through her flat and onto her balcony, where she sat me at a mosaic tiled table that she made herself over the course of a year by collecting little bits of glass and ceramic that she found of chipped away from places. She then made me a vodka-cranberry and we talked about whether Morrissey was better solo or in the Smiths. I prefer solo by the way.
Later she invited me inside, poured me another drink, and sat me on the sofa. Then she said “we need to be quiet, my boyfriend is sleeping in the next room.” And with that I became fucking terrified! What was she planning to do to me on this sofa?
She kissed me, and it tasted like strawberries. And that to me was a terrible thing, because I like strawberries but that’s not what kisses should taste like! And she was sort of aggressive – she grabbed my hand and moved it to her breasts. It felt all wrong, but I didn’t exactly understand yet that I was gay. I just knew I didn’t want this, so I “accidentally on purpose” kicked a table to make a large noise. Fearing her boyfriend would wake up, she ushered me quickly out the door.
I saw Sioux at work after that but she never invited me over again.
See more of Jon D and read his story in Elska Magazine Issue (07) Cardiff